Thumbelina Remix
by ScripturientSamm
Summary: A parody of the Thumbelina fairy tale, where the girl must learn that appearances aren't everything, and that there seem to be a lot of good-looking princes going around...and red Ferrari's...


**In English class, we had to re-write a fairy tale using the four types on satirical elements (parody, exaggeration, reversal and incongruity). This is what I came up with in the span of an hour and a half. Enjoy! **

**Thumbelina: A Parody  
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**(Disclaimer: I own none of the original stories, only my new one. Nor do I own Harold the frog by tribbleofdoom though I SO wish I did!)

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Once upon a time there lived a young golden-haired girl named Thumbelina. She lived with her evil step-mother, who made her scrub the floors and wash the laundry and re-shingle the roof. The old woman worked Thumbelina to the bone. The girl, who thoroughly detested her guardian, plotted new ways to escape every day. Of course, these plans were simply daydreams, a way for Thumbelina to bare her daily punishments. She had no real means of putting the impossible operations into action because her step-mother locked all the doors, and the windows were too small to fit through.

One day, as Thumbelina dusted the cupboards yet again, she noticed a small clear bottle seated on the round table by the book shelf. Curious, she set down her duster and went over to the table. Picking up the bottle, she examined the clear liquid inside, and peered at the note attached to the exterior. "Drink me," she read aloud. Shrugging, the girl held the glass to her lips and tipped the contents into her mouth.

As the surprisingly cool substance trickled down her throat, Thumbelina felt something rather odd happening to her. The room appeared to be expanding, stretching up and away from her. She looked down at her hands to see that they still looked relatively normal sized compared to the rest of her. And yet the room continued to grow until finally all Thumbelina could see was the no-longer-small table looming over her. She was no larger than her wicked step-mother's shriveled thumb.

_How odd_, thought Thumbelina as she backed up to the middle of the floor. Peering up at the window above the table, inspiration hit her hard. She blinked several times in surprise, a plan forming in her mind. The window, normally no larger than her two hands, was now sized like a regular doorframe. It would be quite easy to slip out in her current state! But how would she climb up to it?

Thumbelina went over to her step-mother's store of gardening supplies. Having no friends, the old woman likes to spend her time gardening and had collected many sorts of seeds. Searching the labeled sacs, Thumbelina found the one she needed. Extracting the bag would be impossible, as it was now twice her size. Instead, the little girl hoisted her skirts and began to climb up the side of it. Grasping the string that held it closed, Thumbelina yanked with all her might. The bag opened with a _swish_, spilling the seeds inside onto the floor.

They were rather large, almost as big as the girl. And they weren't really seeds – more of a been-like thing. Thumbelina grabbed a bean and made her way over to the nearest pot. She pushed the pot across the floor until it was beside the table. Then she threw the bean up into the pot, hearing the soft thud as it landed on the dirt inside. Thumbelina climbed the side of the container, dug a hole in the soil, pushed the bean inside, and covered it.

Jumping back out of the pot, the girl went to the bucket of water used to replenish the plants. Quite obviously the pail was oversized compared to Thumbelina in her tiny state, so she found a thimble and filled it instead. Racing back to her planted been, Thumbelina dumped the water into the pot and waited.

The pot began to quiver. Suddenly, a green vine shot out of the soil and climbed up, up up. Thumbelina watched as it grew higher and higher. Finally, the plant stopped, its top-most leaf just brushing the ceiling.

Thumbelina looked up at the beanstalk and smiled at her own brilliance. Hopping over the top of the pot, she gripped the green vine and began to climb. Soon she was so high that she could see the top of the table underneath her. Climbing higher still, Thumbelina only stopped when she was level with the window ledge. Swinging around, she braced herself and jumped down onto the stone surface.

The view was incredible. The world was so big (even more so now, for obvious reasons). Beyond her step-mother's garden the forest seemed to stretch on forever, only ending where the trees met the mountains, far off in the distance. They sky, as blue as Thumbelina's own eyes, was empty but for a few fluffy white clouds. It was beautiful.

Enjoying the scenery, Thumbelina was caught off guard as the wind suddenly picked up. It pulled at her dress and hair, threatening to take her away into the sky. Grappling to get a hold on something, she accidentally stepped off of the ledge. She fell backwards from the window, skirts billowing about behind her.

It seemed a very long fall, for she was only the size of a toothpick. But as Thumbelina prepared to hit the ground, most likely shattering into a thousand pieces, something squishy and a bit slimy caught her. Opening her eyes (which had been shut tightly), the girl saw that the _something_ that had stopped her from crashing to the ground was a frog.

"Thank you," Thumbelina gasped as the frog set her on the ground. "You saved my life."

"Of course I did," the frog replied, lifting his chin.

To thank the frog, Thumbelina leaned forward and kissed him. Suddenly the amphibian glowed with pale shimmering light, and before her very eyes he transformed into a boy wearing a crown.

"Why, you're a prince!" cried Thumbelina.

"Of course I am," said the prince. "My name is Prince Harold."

He was a very handsome prince, if a little arrogant. _But he's just saved my life, _Thumbelina amended. _He'll be feeling proud of himself. _

Prince Harold took Thumbelina's hand. "Would you come and live with me in my castle?" he asked, eyes shining. "You are very beautiful."

Blushing, Thumbelina smiled. "Yes, Sire. That would be wonderful."

The girl and the frog went back to the castle, where Thumbelina spent many hours listening to the prince talk about himself, and how wonderful he was. After a week, Thumbelina grew tired of Prince Harold's ramblings, and interrupted him one evening as he was once again suggesting that he was the bravest and strongest prince in all the land.

"Prince Harold," the girl started. The prince looked shocked that she would dare talk over him. "Why don't you ask about me?"

Prince Harold stared at her in confusion, so Thumbelina clarified. "Why don't you ask about my interests, and my hobbies, and what I like? Don't you want to know how I feel?"

The prince laughed. "Of course I don't. Why would I want to know any of that?" he asked. "You are beautiful enough to be my princess. Nothing else matters."

Heartbroken, Thumbelina left the table and went to her chambers in the highest room of the tallest tower.

_I can't stay where I'm not appreciated_, she decided. Making a split-second decision, the girl went to her bed and unmade it. Pulling the sheets apart, she went to work tying all of the ends together, until finally she had a long rope of blankets. She tied one end to a bedpost and threw the other out the window. Ensuring that the make-shift rope was long enough, Thumbelina took a deep breath and stepped out onto her window-ledge. Grasping the sheets tightly, she started to make her way down the wall of the tower.

After a slow ten minutes of lowering herself to the ground, at last the girl felt her feet touch the soft earth. She let go of the blankets with a sigh of relief. Gazing around, Thumbelina finally stopped to think about her escape plan. How would she get away from the castle? Thinking hard for a few moments, the answer came to her. She raced to the prince's garage, where he kept his most prized (and fastest) vehicles. Quietly she sneaked inside, not wanting anyone – especially Prince Harold – to discover her.

In the line of get-away possibilities there were wagons and carriages of all sorts, and even a small wooden boat. Thumbelina made her choice; in the very front of the garage sat a bright red Ferrari, fueled up and ready to go. Without another moment's pause Thumbelina jumped into the car and started the engine. A few minutes later the girl was racing through the forest, her long golden hair streaming out behind her.

Thumbelina drove for a good two hours before she had to admit to herself that it was getting dark. _I need to find a place to stay for the night,_ she alleged.

Almost as soon as she thought it, a small cottage came into view through a break in the trees. Thumbelina slowed the car, nearing it. It looked like a gingerbread house of sorts, with its frosting-white roofing and gumdrop-covered garden. The walls appeared to be made of graham crackers, and the large tree residing beside the cottage looked suspiciously like an ice cream cone.

Thumbelina thought it was wonderful.

She pulled up beside the house, climbed out of the car, walked up the cookie-dough pathway, and knocked on the door.

"Come in," called a feeble voice almost immediately. Thumbelina opened the door and stepped inside, trying to wipe the sticky dough from her shoes. It was gloomy inside, not at all as cheerful as the scrumptious exterior. As the girl struggled to see through the darkness, a figure came to great her.

"Hello, dear," it said in a scratchy voice. "Come to visit a poor old mouse, alone in her cottage?"

"Yes, grandmother mouse," Thumbelina said. "I was looking for a place to stay for the night, and I -" She broke off as she saw the mouse clearly for the first time. Eyes having adjusted to the murkiness, the girl noticed that the mouse's ears were much pointier than usual.

"Why, what pointy ears you have," she told the mouse.

"All the better to hear you with, deary." The mouse replied.

Thumbelina looked at the mouse's tail and saw that, instead of being long and thin, it was fluffy and brush-like.

"What a thick tail you have," the girl exclaimed.

"All the better to…er, swish…with. My dear," the mouse added.

Thumbelina saw gleaming white fangs poking out of the mouse's snout.

"What large teeth you have!" exclaimed Thumbelina, not at all sure that this was a real mouse.

"All the better to EAT YOU WITH!" cried the animal. Leaping for Thumbelina, the mouse that wasn't a mouse made to chomp down on the girl's head. Luckily, having lived with her abusive step-mother for so long, Thumbelina was used to ducking blows. Quickly stepping aside, she turned on the spot and ran out of the cottage, back to her car. The front yard was illuminated as the headlights came to life. Thumbelina saw the not-mouse, who had run after her, clearly for the first time. It wasn't a small woodland rodent at all. Instead, it was a hungry wolf who had fitted himself into a mouse costume and taken over the gingerbread house.

Thumbelina drove far and fast. She didn't stop driving until she almost ran into a tree in the darkness. She was lost and lonely, with nowhere to go, driving aimlessly in the black of night. Giving in, she pulled over and wept herself to sleep.

She awoke to the sound of flapping wings. Opening her eyes, she yelped as her car was suddenly shaken and pulled off of the ground. A large winged creature had grabbed hold of the Ferrari and lifted off.

"Oi!" called the little girl, who had never been a morning person. "Put me down!"

The bird squawked at her. It was a rather ugly bird, with big bulging eyes and grimy feathers. Its talons were grubby, and if Thumbelina had been concern about things like keeping cars clean she would have shivered with reproach.

"I _said_," Thumbelina growled, angry that the bird was ignoring her demands, "put me down. Now," she added for good measure.

Squawking again, the bird seemed to shrug. Then it did as she bid; she was much too noisy to carry all the way back to its nest. Unclenching its claws, it dropped her.

Thumbelina had forgotten that the bird had been flying. Unfortunately, that meant that she was now free-falling into the open sky, at least one hundred feet from the ground. Thumbelina screamed for help as she was pulled from her car, which fell much faster than then the tiny girl. Completely hopeless at the thought of rescue, Thumbelina gasped in surprise as her decent abruptly slowed. Feeling strong arms around her, she stared in amazement as she stopped altogether, hovering in the sky.

The girl looked up into the face of her savior; a handsome boy with sleek brown hair and sparkling eyes. A smile danced upon his lips as he looked at her.

"I'll bring you back to the ground," he told her.

And he did just that. When they landed on the forest floor the boy set her on the ground. Thumbelina, a bit dazed, curtsied to him.

"You saved my life," she told him, a strong sense of déjà-vu coming over her.

The boy smiled and bowed to her. Thumbelina gaped; the boy had _wings_. "Ah, well," he began, but didn't go on. Instead, he bowed again and said, "I am the Fairy Prince of this land. May I ask your name?"

"Thumbelina," the girl said, thinking that this was getting off to a good start. At least _this_ prince asked about _her_.

The Fairy Prince smiled. "Would you come with me back to the palace and be my wife? It's wonderfully beautiful there, especially when the flowers are in bloom." He lifted an eyebrow. "I could make you into a fairy, so you could save yourself."

Thumbelina liked the thought of having a pretty set of wings on her back. She also admitted that not being so helpless would make her a lot more confident. But she didn't want another incident like with Prince Harold.

Finally she came to a decision.

"Alright," she told the hopeful-looking prince. "I'll come with you, and let you turn me into a fairy. But," she added cautiously. "We should get to know each other before we marry. How about we go on a date?"

The Fairy Prince looked shocked for a second. Then he laughed. "Alright, Thumbelina," he said. "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

"Yes, I'd like that very much," she replied, grinning.

Thumbelina and the Fairy Prince returned to the Fairy Kingdom hidden in the center of the forest, where the girl received her wings and saw the flowers in bloom. They held a strong relationship for two years until finally the prince popped the question. It was a lovely wedding, and all of the fairy-folk were invited. Thumbelina became queen, and never had to re-shingle another roof in her life.

And they all lived happily ever after. Well, except for Thumbelina's step-mother, who ate a piece of cake that made her grow to the size of a giant was therefore shot down by the Huntsmen; Prince Harold never found anybody who could put up with his insufferable gloating, and as a result lived his life alone and rejected; the wolf that had disguised himself as a mouse was eaten by a highly confused cat; and the ugly bird tried to eat the Ferrari and choked to death.

But other than that, they all lived happily ever after.

The End

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**That's all, folks! I hope you enjoyed the story! And I hope you actually read to the end of it, because I probably wouldn't have. But if you did, congratulations! *hands out virtual cookies* **

**I really had fun writing this, even though it was for a homework assignment. But still, good times, good times. **

**Read and review PLEASE! How else am I going to get any better at writing? **

**-Samm**


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